In the last few years I’ve been making a lot more friends with women who are Air signs – Libras, Geminis, and Aquarians – and there is one distinct trend I see with them all: these women have fundamental challenges with making relationships with men work. Coincidence? I don’t think so. The deeper I delved into the issue, the more I began to suspect that the problem these women are encountering comes from the fact that there is a misalignment in their gender energies. Here is my theory:
Air corresponds to the realm of the mind and is traditionally understood to be a “male” element in symbolic terms. Women who are born under a male sign are in a particularly strange situation because they have “male”-oriented minds and personalities trapped in a female body.
What do I mean by having a “male” mind? The Air-ruled mind is logical and methodical. Air-minded people are dispassionate thinkers: they rely on their intellect rather than their feelings to tell them what they need to know about people and situations. The rational rules their understanding of the world. Libras, for example, are constantly concerned with justice and fairness, and unfairness drives them crazy. Aquarians, on the other hand, are idealists – always concerned with how things ought to be rather than seeing them as they are. Geminis understand the world through the creative part of the intellect, enjoying the process of following thoughts and theories to the far-flung reaches of the imagination. All in all, these qualities –justice, idealism, and imagination – are “male” in the sense that they are “projective.” Air signs seek to mold and shape the world around them to bring new forms of order and achievement to society. Air signs want to put their talents to use to create and structure the universe (rather than nurture it, as the “female” or “receptive” signs seek to do).
So why is this a problem for Air-sign women? After all, we live in a modern world where women can freely have ideas and ambitions and be just as intellectual, powerful, and creative as men. In fact, Air-sign women are the most capable of competing with men in the professional field and are the best examples of advancement for the feminist cause.
The problem, however, lies at home, where all of the gender roles we have been taught to accept as women catch up to us. Air-sign women reject traditional gender roles and the lack of freedom that they imply. Libras think it’s unfair, Aquarians object to it from an idealistic, sociological perspective, and Geminis just have issues with commitment in general. Yet this is all intellectual. Air-sign or not, we are still women, and it is incredibly hard to shake off the early messages we received as young girls about what a woman is in relation to a man. Air-sign women may despise the notion of depending upon men, but as women, there is a part of us that longs to be protected by one. They may raise their hackles at the idea of serving a man, but as women we are taught to be thoughtful of others’ needs. They may intellectually object to the idea of being ruled by a man, but as women we are taught to be agreeable and compromising.
These conflicting aspects of sign and gender cause one of three problems: (1) Air-sign women enter relationships according to their sign qualities, in which they are intellectually satisfied with their power status in the relationship but dissatisfied as women, (2) Air-sign women enter relationships according to their gender qualities, in which they are satisfied as women but are left feeling intellectually dissatisfied with their place in the relationship, or (3) they don’t enter relationships at all because they can’t seem to find someone who can suit both needs.
Of the twelve straight Air-sign women I know well (varying from ages 22-60), none of them are in happy, healthy relationships or have a history of such relationships. They are either in dissatisfying relationships, are single and have had a history of dissatisfying relationships, or have never had one at all. In fact, four of these women are or were still virgins by age 22 or older with no relationship experience to speak of.
This is not to say that this small set of data reflects badly on all these women. One of these women happens to be particularly selective and struggles with interacting with men without seeming like “one of the guys.” Another two are religiously abstinent and do not date, adhering the ideals of their faith. But as for the rest: two of them never seem to meet guys who want more than one-night stands, and the others have strings of messy relationships and failed marriages that never seem to work out.
My point in all this? Air-sign women face a difficult challenge in their relationships with men. What they want intellectually doesn’t agree with what they have been taught to want as women, and it is often a confusing and tricky balance between these forces. When they’re not scaring men off with their progressive attitudes about gender roles, they’re caught in a struggle for power in the relationship or are incapable of getting men to see them as both women and equals at once. They often find themselves confused about what the opposite sex thinks of them or disappointed in how men approach their needs.
But don’t lose heart, my Air-sign girls! There is hope for you yet. You just have to be willing to settle these conflicts within yourself and decide which parts of your dual nature you are going to let rule your relationship life. If you can find the balance and be honest with yourself about what you want from a relationship, you can make it happen for you.
And who knows? Maybe this is just coincidence. Maybe there are many Air-sign women out there who are in happy relationships with men and what I’m saying here isn’t relevant. But if you are an Air-sign woman reading this post and this is sounding familiar to you, the difference between what stimulates you intellectually versus emotionally may be worth looking into more deeply to enhance your understanding of your relationship woes.
Or you could be like the thirteenth Air-sign woman I know and work around this whole problem… by being a lesbian! ; )
Sibeal WolfStar 